Wanted

Directed by: Timur Bekmambetov
Written by: Michael Brandy & Derek Haas

In the world of comic books, not everything needs to be explained. If you keep this tidbit of information in mind when you go and see Wanted, (and trust me, you will want to see this) then everything will go smoothly in your brain.

Meet Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy). A nobody. Works a job he hates in a cubicle he cant stand for a bitch of a boss with a knack for staplers. His best friend is doing his girlfriend. He has so little money in his bank account he cant withdraw from the ATM. And to top it all off, the poor kid has anxiety attacks.

His life continues as normal until one day at the pharmacy a hot chick named Fox (Angelina Jolie) tells him that his father was a great assassin that was killed by the man behind him. POW. Gun fight ensues followed quickly by a kick ass car chase.

Our boy Wesley wakes up in the lair of The Fraternity. A league of highly skillful assassins/weavers that run operations out of a textile mill (or slaughter house depending on what room you’re in) in Chicago. The Fraternity is lead by Sloan (Morgan Freeman). They plan to train young Wesley into the fearsome ass kicker his father was and then take out Cross (Thomas Kretschmann), the rouge member of the The Fraternity who killed his father and seems to be taking out members one by one.

Got it? Good.

This movie was purely awesome. I don’t think I’ve had that much fun watching people get smacked around since Shoot Em Up. This movie has tons of slow motion shots (and we all know everything looks better in slow mo), bullets that change direction mid flight, other bullets that fly across town, people with 400bpm heart rates, and a tatted up bare assed Angelina. And to top it off, you get to hear Morgan Freeman say “motherfucker”. OMG! How could you not want to see that?

It was kinda weird to see James McAvoy kicking ass, cause he’s usually in those Oscar award winning films. But he played the loser turned assassin very well. I often forget Angelina Jolie is an actress since she’s in the news for her personal life, but she just looks the part of a killer for some reason. And it wasn’t just the brass knuckles. I guess just think of an R Rated Laura Cross. And Morgan Freeman. Did you not see that he says “motherfucker”. It’s Morgan Freeman. Come on.
I think my only beef with the movie is that Common is in it but only says about 6 words. But he’s the strong, silent type, and well that’s ok.

All in all, prepare for a good ol summer flick. After Sin City, 300, and this, I kinda got an urge to find a comic book store and stock up on a few comics for myself.

The Incredible Hulk

written by: zac penn
directed by: louis leterrier

ok so i went to see this mainly because i love edward norton. i have little hulk knowledge and hadnt seen what i heard was the awfulness of "Hulk" but i knew this technically wasnt a sequel or remake, just another movie about the incredible hulk.

alright lets start with the plot. for those of you who are like me, marvel gives you what you need to know about bruce banner. some time ago he, a brilliant scientist, came up with this military experiment he just knew was going to work and he tried it on himself and well it went wrong (killing a few military personnel and harming his girlfriend), he got gamma poisoning (whatever that is) and no when he gets pissed...run.

cut to a bottling factory in brazil where we now find bruce working, and corresponding with someone online. clearly he is in hinding from the government. but as all things go, he is found, runs back home and the chase is on.
he gets help from his long lost love betty ross (liv tyler), who helps him hide from the army general after him. unknown to both of them he has a new right hand man emil blonsky (tim roth) who has a hunger for power and has his eye on banner.

this is by no means an origin story. what you dont know gets filled in along the way. its a good solid movie. not to say that it doesnt have its faults. i for one didnt care for liv tyler as the leading lady. but i havent really liked a girl in a superhero movie since nicole kidman was vicky vale in batman. and theres a few discrepancies with exactly how big Hulk is. and tim roth doesnt ditch his british accent and that part left me and my mom wondering why a brit would be in the amerian army...but those are just minor minor things. dont necessarily take away from the story.

you get a good marvel comic action story. theres some laughs. some stan lee. tons of action. decent CGI. a few hidden gems for the fans of the hulk tv show. and as in most movies a big chunk of new york (namely Harlem) gets torn up. awesome. theres a little cameo by Tony Stark. and dont bother staying after the credits because they didnt sneak in a lead into the sequel...at that point. trust there will be one.

soo while i have yet to come up with a proper rating system, i do recommend going to see the incredible hulk. it isnt as good as Iron Man was, but it wasnt as irritating as say...either Incredible 4 movie. you wont want a refund or your 2 hours back. if you do then you dont know what summertime is about.

The Happening

written/directed by: M Night Shyamalan

1999 was an awesome year for movies. Fight Club, American Beauty, the Matrix, the Sixth Sense, and so on and so forth. ahh the Sixth Sense. brought to us by a young m night. with a twist ending nobody expected (except me because my friend janis chose to tell me about bruce willis's...condition...)

flash forward to now. 2008. m nights latest movie. The Happening. i had to convince sonja to go see it with me, even though after The Village she wasnt too happy with me or shymalan. but AMC has that $5 am movie deal so we went for it.

boy were we pissed. not as pissed as i was with the village. not as irritated as i was with signs. but there was something about this movie that did not sit right with me. all the elements were there. mark wahlberg. the suspense that is m night. the R rating. the bad ass trailer.

it just fell short of what it promised. i know trailers were meant to get you into the theater. to make you want to pay the $9.25 cost that movies go for these days. fight the crowds, waste your gas. all that. and i bought into it knowing this is what trailers are for and rarely has a movie every lived up to its trailer.

ok lets start from the top. there is an event happening in central park. a light breeze comes through. bam! construction workers are jumping off buildings. ladies are stabbing themselves with ponytail holder chopsticks. cops are using their firearms to blow their brains out.

"is it the terrorist" (using my dakota fanning circa War of the Worlds voice). who knows. skip to philadelphia (of course. this is a shymalan movie). we meet mark wahlberg. a dorky science teacher fascinated with some phenomenon of disappearing honey bees. apparently einstein thought that when the bees die, humans got about 4 years left of living on the planet. alright.

we meet his best friend (john leguizamo), his wife (zooey deschanel), and his best friends daughter (some little girl i dont think says 2 words the whole movie). they get scared and want to high tail it out of the city.

somewhere along the ride they learn that the "terrorist" hit a park in philly and sure enough people are offing themselves left and right. scary, no? oh but what ever could it be causing the mass suicides. theres no kool aid to be found!

anyway, as the day progresses, more and more people in smaller and smaller populations are dying. and its less and less likely its terrorist.

following? ok good. i dont want to go too more into it because then id give away the plot (no twist to be foiled) and i hate when that happens to me (see: aforementioned sixth sense incident)

ok plot out the way. the movie is just...just...i cant put my finger on it. i think it was a long long Go Green commercial. no there werent any toyota priuses or whole food stores or recycling bins (there was a cheesy iPhone placement though). but the message was just...got damn.

and the whole rated Rness. ive seen pg movies that were creepier. i did jump at one part and yes, people were killing themselves, but that coulda been portrayed with good editing and directing.

and the acting. it was just a cheesefest. and not in a good B movie sort of blantantly bad way. in just a bad way.

all in all id say skip it. let someone else whos seen it tell you what happened and save yourself the price of admission. just go home and re-watch the sixth sense if you want some suspense.